If you spend any time at our house you might hear my husband say something like, “My brain is broken.” What else do you say when something isn’t working properly? It’s been almost 10 years since his diagnosis with Bipolar 2 disorder and we still find ourselves on the roller coaster of mental illness. Don’t get me wrong, it’s much less traumatic with medication and counseling, but it is still a roller coaster—just one with a seat belt.
I recently read a thought-provoking article in Christianity Today, Can Neuroscience Help Us Disciple Anyone? by John Ortberg. In it, Rick and Kay Warren said this, after the death of their son:
Any other organ in my body can get broken and there’s no shame, no stigma to it. My liver stops working, my heart stops working, my lungs stop working. Well, I’ll just say, ‘Hey, I’ve got diabetes, or a defective pancreas or whatever,’ but if my brain is broken, I’m supposed to feel shame. And so a lot of people who should get help don’t. -Rick and Kay Warren
What do we do if those we love are struggling with mental illness? How do we respond when realizing that we are fighting this battle for ourselves? My sister recently broke her leg. It was intuitive for her friends and family to rally around her and meet her practical needs. But if we hear that someone has been diagnosed with depression or an anxiety disorder we rarely bring meals and offer to watch their kids. The truth is broken bones heal but mental illness (unless God provides a miracle healing) is probably a lifetime disease. What can we do as a community?
As someone living with this in my family day to day this is my personal opinion of what would be helpful:
Compassion: Please, please don’t make the irrational assumption that if we prayed more it would go away. Would you say that to someone with acne or a sprained ankle? If compassion and tenderness doesn’t come naturally to you, pray for God to develop it within you. True mercy will motivate you to help in whatever way is appropriate to the situation.
Education: If someone you know has a mental illness, take the time to find out what their day to day struggles are. You can do this through conversations with your friend or reading up on their illness. Don’t assume that their surface disposition means that they aren’t struggling. Seek to know them on a deeper level.
“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” Marie Curie
Prayer: Neuroscience is proving what we as followers of Jesus already knew—hours spent in prayer can actually change our brains. Prayer not only changes us personally but God hears us when we pray (1 John 5:14) and we can trust that He will answer according to His will.
Prayer for our loved ones with mental illness: I pray today for each person struggling with mental illness. You created them and know them intimately. You know their needs. Free them from fear and negative thoughts about themselves. Help them to remember the truth of your Word. Guide them to good counsel for their bodies, minds and souls. You are the light in their darkness God. May you bring healing, wholeness and peace. In Jesus Name. Amen.
Sherrie St. Hilaire says
Excellent!
Angela Howard says
Thank you Sherrie! I know you “get it.”
Keelee says
Thank you, Angela. I have family members who live with mental illness, therefore, I live with mental illness. Who you are and how God works through you in the midst of mental illness gives me hope. Thank you!
Angela Howard says
I love your statement! As a family member of someone with mental illness we too live with it–but in a different way. It can be isolating and lonely but I desire so much for people to know that they are not alone. God is with us! Matt. 11:28-30.
Colleen Reamer says
I just want to say thank you for this post. Its a topic I and my family have struggled with for years and its hard to put into words what it feels like to deal with for a long period of time. That cartoon speaks volumes to me. I so appreciate your blogs and your heart behind them that helps bring our everyday issues back through the word of God and into better relationship with Him and those around us. Thank you….
Angela Howard says
Your comment made me tear up because this is exactly why I wrote today’s post. It is SO hard to put into words the effect is has on the family and obviously the person struggle with the illness. Thank you for your comments!
sheree dudley says
Very great article. I had to share it as I know several people dealing with this and the roller coaster ride also. Thanks for being brave enough to put this out there for others
Angela Howard says
Thank you for sharing the post Sheree! I am passionate about this and am trilled to have a chance to get the message out.
jessica says
I read this in my email. My Dad has a cyst on his brain and it totally has changed him. it has effected his speech, hearing, balance, thinking, personality, he gets migraines every day, he is a very angry man now. I can not believe the person he has turned into. It is tearing my family apart. we all used to be so close. now I hardly see my brothers and sister. I am the one who has the most patience with him. I have been giving up lately because sometimes he says very hurtful things. I have got mad a God asking him why wont he help?? its hard and I can not blame him. I will keep on praying and praying and having faith.
Angela Howard says
The road you are walking is so difficult Jessica! As I read your note I couldn’t help but think of Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. I get that you want to give up but give up on doing it alone, in your own strength. God is with you and for you. I pray that He will give you the peace you need and the ability to see His light and truth in the darkness.
Jen says
Thank you, I’ve lived with depression for 30 years. It lessens at times but is always there. My husband doesn’t understand. He’s never taken time to educate himself and frankly makes it worse, by getting upset. It’s hard to live with someone who’s not a compassionate understanding support. I can’t change him only God can. I pray all the time for healing. Thank you Jen
Angela Howard says
I’m so sorry for your struggle with depression. I pray that your husband will find grace and have the veil lifted from his eyes to see the difficulty you face with true compassion and empathy. May the Lord give you what you need during this time Jen. I appreciate your honesty in sharing.