Marriage is beautiful. But it can also be a battlefield. Hopefully our battles smooth off our rough edges and we become who we were intended to be—grace-filled, loving, compassionate followers of Christ. How do we safeguard our marriage? How do we make it worth fighting for?
This past weekend I was feeling inspired to clean, so I tackled the master bedroom closet. In the middle of the chaos Michael wisely escaped the house to mow the lawn, and Emily joined me in the bedroom to help me decide if I should keep, donate or toss (every good organizers process for purging). With clothes everywhere, Emily pulled out my wedding dress and said, “You should try it on!”
I have never taken my wedding dress out of the bag since our wedding day almost 20 years ago. Why not? It’ll be fun! I had forgotten how beautiful it was—all the tiny buttons and intricate beading. It might be a bit out of style with the puffed sleeves but as I slipped it on I still felt a little giddy. “You’ve got to show Daddy!” Emily squealed.
I made my way downstairs and opened the sliding door. He was still mowing the lawn. By this time I was laughing. It was crazy: me in my wedding dress after 20 years of marriage! I called out to him. He looked up from across the yard and his face lit up just like it did 20 years ago. He came running and almost touched the dress with his grubby hands. “You look so beautiful!” He kissed me a bunch of times between my laughter. He looked so cute with his eyes twinkling. “I can’t believe it still fits!”
That’s when I turned around so he could see that I could only zip it up part way. We laughed even harder. It was a silly yet sacred moment. Since our wedding day we’ve experienced many joys and many hardships together… our college graduations, the birth of our children, Michael’s career transition from pastor to network engineer, our marriage almost falling apart, Michael’s bipolar diagnosis, me becoming a credentialed minister and writer.
Later that night I found Michael staring at me. This is not our usual habit—staring at one another. We are both a bit pragmatic. “What are you doing?” I asked him. “Just thinking about our day.”
The Foolproof Way to Safeguard Your Marriage: Commitment
And that’s it, that’s the one foolproof way to safeguard a marriage: Commitment to us.
A commitment to stay true to our vows—the best of which is the vow to forgive.
A commitment to refuse to let personal opinions, other people and petty differences to come between the goals of the team.
A commitment to family, humility, love and compassion.
A commitment to us.
What commitment are you making to your marriage today? How will you support and uphold the marriages in your community?
To find out more about how we have fought to cultivate commitment in our marriage and how you can too, read my book: How to Love Your Crazy Family: 52 Quick Reads for No Ordinary Days.
Angela Craig says
I LOVE this and your smile shows the very love, passion, and commitment you have for your husband and your marriage! It is inspiring!
Angela Howard says
Thank you Angela!
Laurie Neary says
This, as always, is a good word and written well. Thanks for this.
Also, you look just like you did on your wedding day – amazing! I’m impressed that you can still get your dress on :-)
Angela Howard says
Thank you Laurie!
satrntgr says
It’s such a blessing to grow even closer to your spouse every day!! God did an amazing thing with my marriage, and I love seeing how He is working in yours. No fair that the dress still fits, though!! :)
Angela Howard says
God works miracles as we submit to Him!
April Williams says
I love this photo, Angela!! Made my day!
Angela Howard says
Thank you April :) The experience made my day…my week!
Shari says
Angela, you look so pretty. For me, when I tried on my 1977 wedding dress with my daughter Kari, around my 20th year anniversary, I felt like that old bride in “Great Expectations.” ;o) Anyway, the whole point of your beautifully written encouragement is well taken. A marriage relationship is a great treasure. Commitment is the key. And learning what that means in our complicated worlds and with our unique personalities is worth the effort. Thank you for highlighting this crucial point.
Angela Howard says
You are so sweet and funny Shari! We must have courage to hold true to our commitment but it’s not without complications. Thank you for your thoughtful words :)
Doris says
Dearest Angela, You are both so young and beautiful still but I think even when you’re 75 Mike will look at you with the same wonder and love because of that commitment you both share. Keep up the good work and God will bless you every step of the way.
Angela Howard says
Thank you Doris! I think you are right and you have the experience to know :)