I will never forget working at a bank while I was pregnant with Benjamin. For some reason pregnancy seems to invite bad advice, comfortless one- liners and horror stories that would make any pregnant woman have nightmares. My worst experience occurred at eight months when a woman commented, “Eight months pregnant, huh? I had a stillbirth at Eight months.” Really?!

During awkward or difficult times of crisis we want to help but sometimes we just end up hurting the ones we love. What do we do when we don’t know what to say? It can be easy to respond on autopilot and start spouting off some clichés.

You’re Not Really Helping When You Say…

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

We’ve all said this. I might have even said it this week! If I did, I’m sorry. It’s not that we don’t mean it, but honestly it only makes us feel better. We are officially off the hook. Now we can wait for the person in crisis to tell us what to do. But the problem is that they probably won’t because they are IN CRISIS!

You Are Helping When…

You just do it—bring flowers, bring a meal, watch their kids, mow their lawn and bring them chocolate! Love in action.

You’re Not Really Helping When You Say…

“I know how you feel.”

Do you really? Because if you haven’t walked in that person’s shoes then your words feel pretty shallow and (dare I say) thoughtless.

You Are Helping When…

You’re honest. “I’ve never dealt with that but it sounds difficult and I’m so sorry. Can I pray with you?”

You’re Not Really Helping When You Say…

“You should call my naturopath, eat organic, gluten-free, sugar-free, taste-free and non-GMO certified etc.!” (Is that even a thing?)

You Are Helping When…

You give advice when it’s asked for.  Or at the very least ask if it is okay to offer advice.

You’re Not Really Helping When You Say…

“God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.”

Yes He does! All the time. Look at the story of Gideon in Judges 7.  Overwhelming circumstances teach us to rely on God instead of ourselves. Hearing comfortless statements like this makes us want to give up and give in to despair. We can be assured that God won’t let us be tempted beyond what we can handle (1 Corinthians 10:13), but He most certainly allows trial and hardship.

You Are Helping When…

You listen and share a story of when you felt completely overwhelmed and undone. How did God show Himself faithful to you? How were you encouraged to keep persevering? Share the truth that God is faithful in the messy difficulties of life.

Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. Hebrews 10:23-24 (NLT)

What bad advice or comfortless one-liners have you received? How do you give hope to those around you with helpful encouragement?

If you found this blog helpful or encouraging, it would be the greatest complement to me if you shared it on your social networks. Thank you!