This year I got fired for the first time in my life. I really wasn’t expecting it. I thought I was doing such a good job. I had great reviews and some pretty good perks. But out of nowhere I was let go. My 15 year-old son fired me from my position as his personal manager.
Benjamin at 18 months & 5 years old
From the time Benjamin was born I’ve been managing his whole life. As a baby I scheduled his feedings, his naps and his playtimes. He rewarded me with snuggles, smiles and sleeping through the night. My early successes only encouraged my management style. As he grew up I organized his playdates and taught him how to read and write. I enrolled him in swimming lessons and in Little League. He was always very grateful and excited for all the opportunities for fun and social interaction.
But just as Benjamin graduated 8th grade and prepared to enter high school I received my pink slip. It came in the form of frustrated sighing and aggravated eye rolling. He seemed so irritated with just about everything. The bottom line was that he wanted my job. He wanted to take over managing his own life and I wondered if I had prepared him to do it. I worried as I thought about the potential pitfalls. Would he make decisions that would “ruin his life?” Excuse the drama but I’m a mother and I can’t seem to help myself.
For the first few months I grieved. I loved my old job. How am I supposed to parent when I can’t manage? After all, I’m really good at it. I’ve had 15 years of experience. After some failed attempts to get back my old management position I decided to apply for a new job: Consultant.
Ben was feeling overwhelmed with some school responsibilities and I asked him if he would like me to help him on a consultant basis. He was somewhat skeptical, knowing it would be tempting to switch back to my controlling ways. I followed up by asking him what his goals were and how I could help him achieve them. We created a plan together—a plan that was tailored to his desires, not mine.
Managing Vs. Consulting
In parenting teens we must transition from managing to consulting. -Angela Howard(tweet this)
Our focus is on influence instead of control. This empowers our teens to make life affirming decisions that grant them confidence and courage.
Looking back on my own teenage years this was the dynamic that created my own successful transition to adulthood. Why wouldn’t it work for Ben? I believe in my son. He is kind. He is intelligent. He is funny. He is resourceful. He loves God and he loves people. I know he can learn to run his own life and advocate for his own dreams.
I’ll be here, a safe place to fall—an advisor, a consultant and always his mom. And hopefully I’ll do this a little more gracefully with Emily next year.
How have you found success in parenting your teen? What are your greatest challenges?
Special Note: If you’d like to read more on family and parenting check out my book How to Love Your Crazy Family–52 Quick Reads for No Ordinary Days

Laurie Neary says
So well said! Angela, I wish I would have read this a few years ago! I have two boys (the youngest is 20), but I waited way to long to changed roles with them. Being a mom is hard work. I think one of the hardest parts is when we have to step back and just be available for a consult. Good for you :-)
Angela Howard says
Thank you for your kind words Laurie! I’m sure I won’t do this perfectly but I’m trying to make that switch. I seriously have to remind myself daily. I just naturally like to tell people what to do! :)
Sherrie St. Hilaire says
Let me know how unemployment goes! I enjoyed this…loved the pics too! It seems to me that this doesn’t just apply to our teenage children! Ouch…I’m saying no more! xo
Angela Howard says
Oh no Sherrie! Are you saying that I shouldn’t be managing other people in my life? This is disappointing! I’ve had years of experience :) Ok, I’ll take the hint!
Sherrie St. Hilaire says
P.S. He’s a great looking young man!! And his mama sure is pretty!
Angela Howard says
So sweet! Thank you :)
satrntgr says
Wow – this is almost exactly what we are dealing with, with DJ. He’s 14, and already giving me the “You’re Fired” look!! ha/ha Love the tips, though – thanks!
Angela Howard says
Of course! Learn from my mistakes Jamie :)
orana velarde (@CLFAdventure) says
My daughter fired me ages ago and it sure was tough! At least now we can talk like friends at least. But there´s no controlling the daily things anymore. Its ok. We all have to grow i guess. Over from the Link it to me Party
Angela Howard says
So good to know I’m not the only one Orana! Thanks for your comments.
Angela Howard says
Glad to know that I’m not alone Orana! Thanks for commenting!
orana velarde (@CLFAdventure) says
sorry I came over from #IBABLOGGERS. Got confused. ;)