Michael and I have been married for half of our lives—20 years. It’s okay if you want to applaud or send gifts. New towels or sheets would be perfect! After 20 years we celebrate our anniversary for totally different reasons than for when we were married for 5 years or even 15 years. We’re committed to our partnership with our eyes are wide open. We’ve seen the best and worst in one another and we still say I do every day.
While I’m still head over heels for Michael’s beautiful blue eyes, fabulous sense of humor, thoughtfulness and incredible mind there’s more to our marriage than those things which first attracted me to him. What does love look like at 20 years of marriage?
Love is…
Forgiveness
I’m not one to hold a grudge. I crave resolution and closure. I don’t mind a confrontation—even a fight—but I like to make up. Forgiveness seems simple, but it’s not. There are times when I don’t even realize I haven’t forgiven Michael until I feel angry at almost everything he does. Old wounds have a way of resurfacing when forgiveness isn’t complete. Forgiveness is freedom—for you and the one you love.
Hope
I remember just a short time ago feeling hopeless about a certain area of our marriage. I wrote in my journal: “I seriously have zero hope that things will ever change.” Guess what? They did! I continued to journal, pouring my heart out to God and praying for His help and direction. I took a hard look at myself and realized I needed to change; I needed to be a little more honest and a lot less self-reliant. Development is always uneven—we both place our hope in God and are confident in His unrelenting work in us.
Celebration
Love at 20 years of marriage is something to celebrate. Michael commented to me the other day that he thinks we should celebrate our anniversary for the entire year and I agree. There’s something big about this year for us and we’re reveling in it. We celebrate each other—not the perfection of our marriage but the fact that we are always growing. The joy, the pain, celebrating us and the life we choose to live together. Celebrating each beautiful moment and the messy imperfect ones too.
Marriage: celebrating each beautiful moment and the messy imperfect ones too. – Angela Howard #marriage Click To Tweet
What does love look like in your marriage? Comment below or start a conversation on social media.
Coming this Monday: Love at 20 Years Marriage Part 2 by Michael Howard!
For more about our story buy my book: How to Love Your Crazy Family – 52 Quick Reads for No Ordinary Days
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satrntgr says
Praying you have a blessed Anniversary year!! David and I are celebrating 15 in a few weeks, and it’s a blessing to know that love can continue to grow. In this world, where it seems that people feel if they don’t get along, divorce is fine, those of us who know what true marriage means, need to take a stand and thank the Lord for working in our lives! :) Sending hugs!
Angela Howard says
Congratulations on 15 Years! Thank you for sharing your story of another marriage that is in process and letting God change you :)
Sherrie St. Hilaire says
Congratulations, Angela!!! Celebrating with you!
I really liked this: “I took a hard look at myself and realized I needed to change; I needed to be a little more honest and a lot less self-reliant.”
OH SISTER…am I tracking with you on that score! I wish I could outgrow it as easily as I have my favorite pants! lol
Hugs!
Angela Howard says
Thank you Sherrie! I have to guard against being self-reliant BIG TIME! It’s wonderful to excel in the gifts God has given us but this takes it to a whole other level for me–a sense of “I don’t want to depend on anyone, I’ll do it myself, thank you.” Hugs to you too, my friend :)
Valerie says
My husband and I will celebrate our 20th in March! I wouldn’t trade our 20 years for anything. They have not been easy, but through them we have grown closer to God and each other. Signing up for your email and looking forward to reading you e-book.
Angela Howard says
Congratulations Valerie! 20 Years is worth celebrating. I’m so happy that you are signing up for the blog and I look forward to connecting with you more often :)
Walking In Grace By Faith says
We are celebrating our “22nd Anniversary” on August 27th. Dated 5 years before marrying. Yes, we have seen the best and memorable and also the ugly and difficult sides of each other throughout the years. Now to figure out what to do for each other on this one. Thank you for sharing your life and marriage with us. I’m so thankful and blessed to of met you and your family.
Angela Howard says
Thank you Tami! That is so kind of you. I was just discussing with a friend how important is it to acknowledge both the good and the difficult parts of the journey. Both are true. Both are what make us what we are and help us to grow.