no ordinary days

Angela Howard

5 Things More Valuable Than Sharing Our Opinions

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5-things-more-valuable-than-sharing-our-opinions1Recently, a friend asked my opinion on a controversial parenting topic. It took me a second, but I realized I didn’t have an opinion. This might seem normal for you, but I’m sure my friend was a little surprised that I didn’t subscribe to one view or the other. She has the right to be. Historically I’ve dealt in opinions more or less as a hobby. I’ll admit that I’ve enjoyed jumping on my soap box a time or two or three. But I’m learning there are a few things more valuable than sharing your opinion.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about sharing the fact that Jesus died for our sins. I’m not suggesting that we water down the Bible, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever have an opinion. I am proposing that we stop having excessively vehement opinions for other families.

Stop having excessively vehement opinions on issues for other families. – Angela Howard Click To Tweet

The decisions we are presented with on a day to day basis are seemingly endless and somewhat overwhelming.

Should I…

Should I choose public school, homeschool, or private school for my kids?

Should I eat only organic food?

Should I use formula or breastfeed?

How many after-school activities should my child be involved in?

Should my teen date? If so, at what age, and with what restrictions?

What Bible version should I read?

Should I let my kids have sugar? Or dyes? Or gluten?

Should I work outside the home, from home, or be a stay at home parent?

How much should I volunteer in church or in my community?

Opinions

I’m convinced that we can use our influence for something more than touting our opinions. –Angela Howard Click To Tweet

I’m convinced that we can use our influence for something more than touting our opinions. As friends, as family, and as a community we can offer something much more appreciated than our viewpoints. We can remember that we are dealing with individuals not just issues. It’s time to stop trading in opinions and start valuing people

Stop trading in opinions and start valuing people. – Angela Howard Click To Tweet

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Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10 (ESV)

5 Things More Valuable Than Sharing Our Opinions

Listening: It’s easy to go into a conversation with preconceived ideas and even easier to tune someone out if we don’t like what we’re hearing. But what if our communication could be better? What if we went into the conversation with an open heart and truly listened without feeling like we needed to solve, fix, or advise?

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. -Stephen Covey

Asking Good Questions: Here are a few of my favorite…

  • Can you tell me more about that?
  • If you could do anything, what would you do?
  • What seems to be the biggest obstacle?
  • What are your other options?
  • How long have you been thinking about this?
  • What would make the biggest difference in this circumstance?

Offering Our Empathy: Empathy is often used as a synonym with sympathy, but there’s an important distinction. In offering empathy you don’t have to agree with or have experienced the same feelings. What you do is appreciate how their feelings and experience are affecting their decisions and impacting their particular needs. Empathy is not agreement but compassionate understanding.

Empathy is not agreement but compassionate understanding. – Angela Howard Click To Tweet

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If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.  -Brené Brown

Sharing Our Experiences: There are times when our friends and family want our opinion or insight, but the best way to start is to ask, “Are you just sharing or can I offer some of my thoughts or experience?” It could be they’re coming to you because of your background and would love your perspective, but don’t assume. It’s fine to share experiences, just don’t share them with the assumption that they will mirror the decision of the person you’re sharing them with.

Love: The bottom line is that people need our love more than they need our opinions. They need the kind of love that Christ offers to each one of us, a love that cost something. Maybe that cost is simply holding our tongues and reserving our judgement.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 (ESV)

What would you add to the list above? Comment below!

Can I ask you a quick favor? If today’s post has impacted you would you share it on your social media sites? When you do, it helps me get my blog in front of more wonderful people just like you! I’d be very grateful.

For Further Reading…

The Power of Listening  by Lynne Baab

You’re So Right You’re Wrong—How to Find True Wisdom

Verbal Vomiting in the Name of Honesty

Asking Great Questions Part 2

Thank you to Life Church 360 for the pleasure of serving them this weekend at their leadership retreat. God has great things in store for your team!

lifechurchleadership2016

 

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Comments

  1. Sooooo good! Loved this: “I’m convinced that we can use our influence for something more than touting our opinions.” I find my opinions change as I journey deeper onto transformation! Sometimes if I’m too quick to offer an opinion I risk robbing that person of time with God seeking His heart.

    • I love that Sherrie! It’s so easy to impose our opinions on others. It’s natural with my outgoing personality to share my viewpoint but at the same time vital to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Thank you for your comments.

  3. Great post Angela—I’m sure I’ve thrown out my opinion more often than I should have so I need to remember this: “that people need our love more than our opinions.”

    I can’t think of anything to add to your list. It’s easy to get caught up with all of the opinions being tossed around. One thing I have learned to do–and try to teach my children to do–is to pause and ask myself if the information this person is offering is truth or opinion. (I should probably ask myself the same question before I open my mouth to give advise!)

    • Great idea Kelly–the pause is a critical skill in communicating lovingly. Being so intentional with your kids is a beautiful example to all of us. Thank you for reading and commenting.

  4. Excellent article. Can’t think of anything to add except to use your social media outlets for encouragement and not opinions. As someone who has been parenting since before anyone had heard of gluten, I can assure young moms that the issues of the day quickly fade. If it’s not a salvation issue, then let it go. Your opinions also change. I was one who was “never going to do private or homeschool” then ended up with 3 kids in part-time private school. Then I was “never going to use my public school” and now one of my kids will graduate from public school this spring.
    I’ve already tweeted a quote and plan to pin as well. Saw you on the “over the moon” party. – Laura

    • Thank you so much for adding that to the discussion Laura. I could jump up and down! It’s so true that opinions change. One thing we can count on is that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)

  6. Love this, Angela! I remember being pretty opinionated in my early days – especially in my days as a new believer. Like looked quite black and white to me. But as I’ve matured, as my walk with the Lord has deepened, as I’ve experienced hurt, and confusion and lots of gray areas, I’ve learned sometimes it’s just best to keep your mouth shut. I agree – there are times when we must just stand up for truth, but I’ve also learned to rest firmly on the side of, “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” I love your encouragement to listen and love – so wise! And thank you for stopping by the blog today and joining me on FB. Glad to visit you from #tellhisstory.

  7. Such wise advice. As my opinions have changed over time and with different experiences, I am trying not to push mine so often on others. There is no one way to parent every kid, homeschool, cook, wash dishes, study the bible, etc. (The list is endless.) And isn’t that the beauty of life? God allows us so much diversity and variety and our opinion and way of doing is just one of the many ways. I agree, listening, telling stories about what worked for us, having empathy, asking questions, and loving them is more effective than trying to convince them our opinion is the right one for them.

  9. I am so learning this as well. I am finding as I get older that you know I just don’t have an opinion on that. I see so many different situations and many working out in different ways. None necessarily bad nor harmful or sinful… just different than maybe I myself would do. I am learning that I am not always right! I know… it’s a peculiar notion but it’s true! :)

    I love the different options you give in what we can do instead of just dumping our opinion. This is a good word, friend! Thank you!

  10. Yes this!! I love it! When haven’t had another person’s experiences it’s hard for us to tell them what they should do. And yes, not on Biblical truth . . . but there are soooo many opinions that get in the way of our truly connecting and caring for each other. Sharing this everywhere Angela! So good!!

  11. Being someone who always has an opinion I have learned to tone them down and even say nothing at all so this was a great share. Thanks for joining us at Turn it Up :) just shared on G+

  12. This is really practical and thought-provoking :) Just this week I’ve been amazed at conversations/ debates/ outright arguments on Facebook where highly opinionated individuals were clearly using none of the above! Love, above all, is sooo important! Thanks for sharing—stopping by from #SittingWithFriends

    • Thank you for your kind words Laura! This post is certainly good timing when it comes to the issues in our country right now. I appreciate your comments and your heart to love.

  13. Hi Angela-love your point about really listening and not expecting to share our opinion or expect to solve another’s issue. A practice I need to become better at-things for the thoughtful post.

  14. This statement is what I needed today: “Empathy is not agreement but compassionate understanding.” There is a situation in my life right now where I need to share this! Thanks, sweet friend!

    I’m so thankful you are a part of #MomentsofHope! ♥
    Hugs,
    Lori

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