Sitting at my niece’s soccer game, I saw a mother growl at her son to move out of her way so she could watch her daughter who was playing on the field. Her expression was harsh to say the least. In fact, it was borderline disgust. This post isn’t about mommy shaming; parenting isn’t easy. We will never respond the way we should 100% of the time. But this situation made me aware of how easy it is to default to impatience and unkindness, and it’s written all over our faces.
This interaction probably stood out to me even more because the day before I had witnessed another mother in a school parking lot recounting an argument she had with her child. She wasn’t so much mad as she was haughty and indignant: “I told him…How dare he…I can’t believe this!” Ouch. I’ve been known as having perfected the art of lecturing and I wondered: Do I sound like that? Do I look like that?
Again, this isn’t about shaming mothers, or fathers, but all of us could take a moment to reflect on the fact that even more than a picture, our faces speak a thousand words. Our body language is either inviting or closed off. Our tone of voice can be harsh or kind. It’s so easy to feel defensive with our kids. In fact, I felt defensive this morning with Ben. But in those moments we have the choice to give way to our flesh or call out to God with our spirits.
A Parenting Prayer
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10 (KJV)
This isn’t about self-help, or trying harder to be a better person: this is acknowledging that the Holy Spirit is at work within us and we have the opportunity to cooperate with that work, or go our own way.
God asks us to partner with Him in our own transformation. Joanna Weaver, Having a Mary Spirit
I don’t know about you, but I don’t just want to have the title of being a Christian, I want to be changed. But God doesn’t do this without our permission. It’s a choice.
Which is why our choosing is so important; it’s our part in the redemption process. We must choose to agree with God’s judgement against our sin and accept His remedy for the…problem in us all. Joanna Weaver, Having a Mary Spirit
So as we approach parenting in view of our transformation, let’s pray that God would protect us from self-deception. It’s so easy to think that we have the right to act the way we do. We are the parents, they are the kids. But what does that really accomplish?
Our faces speak a thousand words, let them speak love.
Our faces speak a thousand words, let them speak love. - Angela Howard Click To TweetHow have you struggled in your parenting to reflect love and kindness?
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Jamie (TigerStrypes) (@satrntgr) says
Wow, in today’s world, we see this so often. I try hard to not be that Mom, and if I do see one, I try to pull them aside, as God instructed and ask them to kind of check themselves, you know? Standing up for others is something that is lost in this world it seems, but I’ll be the brat and do it! :) Thanks for a great post.
Angela Howard says
Thank you Jamie! I always think about how sometimes we wish we could record our kids when misbehaving, but maybe we need to record ourselves instead.
Ifeoma Samuel says
Hi Angela, this is interesting! Letting our faces speak love is powerful advice.
Thanks for pouring out your heart.
God bless
Angela Howard says
Thank you for reading and commenting Ifeoma!
April G says
Thank you for the reminders of what we affect our children without thinking about it. Great seeing you link up to Turn it Up Tuesday!
Angela Howard says
Thank you April!
Shari says
Good words Angela! Cooperating humbly with God’s loving transformation, with a teachable spirit is crucial to any relationship! Contempt and disdain, which can clearly be seen on a person’s face, can marr any justified disciplinary action. Compassion and respect can increase its effectiveness. I’ve learned this as a child and as a parent. And yes, even as a wife! It’s so important to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves and our relationships with disapproving, haughty or self righteous attitudes. Help us Lord! Thank you Angela for focusing on this aspect of our family life.
Angela Howard says
So true – contempt and disdain are so damaging to intimate relationship. Thank you for reading and sharing your insight Shari!